I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
