would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
