also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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