i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
