Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
