How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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