u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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