so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
