Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
