it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
