Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
