I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
