I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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