I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
