just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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