Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
