Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can you bring me the toilet please
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
