yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
