dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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