loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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