I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize