yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
