I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
