i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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