im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
