....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
