STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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