so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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