Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
