did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
