Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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