PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
