oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All I want is dick and wine.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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