Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
