The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
