I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
