Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
