Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
