yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
