is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
