The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
