I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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