I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
