i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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