Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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