Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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