grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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