Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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