I cannot find my penis.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just gift wrapped bread.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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