Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
