Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
