literally had 100 drinks last night.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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