party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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