remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
