Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
