The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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