Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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