He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
