i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
