I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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