She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize