can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
