If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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