i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
