we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
