Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There are leaves in my underwear?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
