pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
