if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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